She Hates Me
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Everything she missed, took for granted, thought would heal itself. It is not me she is against, truly. It is the part of me that was deep enough for you to fall so hopelessly. She is focusing on my waters, not her own, and I think that is her biggest problem, with us. I hear you speaking on the phone with her and she is so angry.
She Hate Me - Wikipedia
Still, so angry. Does she know, instinctively, the truths that you tell me? That I am the best you have ever had That you have never laughed so hard, been loved so hard, loved so wildly That you have waited a lifetime for this. I would be mad too, knowing that I let you leave and failed to love you, as wholly as there was room to. Holy fuck, I would be so mad, too. I have never met her and yet I am so personal to her. The pain I cause is so sharp, for such the distant, apparition-like guest that I am in her life. Your ex, she has no reference point for my particular hue of femininity.
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I was no where in there, not the thickness of my hair, the lilt of my speech. Did you get more parental attention?
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I would love to know what you were like as children: I think the key probably lies there. I contacted Lorraine Davies-Smith, a family psychotherapist aft. We were not sure if you had offered to go to her house, but your sister may feel she always puts in the effort by coming to yours. The fact she does visit you means she is interested in keeping the relationship going. What would happen if you shared how you feel? I wondered why you feel responsible for that. It sounded as if you feel guilty for a lot of things regarding your sister, and guilt is a very effective straitjacket.
That you are thinking about what she says for ages afterwards shows how deep the root goes. Try to follow it. If the latter transpired, how would you feel? Are you getting to an age where you want to sort things out once and for all?
We wondered if you had been told to look after your sister at some point in your life and whether this was keeping you tied into what appears to be an unsatisfactory relationship. If you want to try to mend things, you need to pick your best mode of communication. Maybe a letter? What do you want to say to her — not just about her behaviour, but about how you would like things to continue, what you really feel about her?
Because I am the part of you she never knew
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She Hate Me
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